How to Cook a Pot of Beans

So I figured if this blog is going to be called How to Cook a Pot of Beans the best way to kick it off would be to do so with the the promise and spirit of the title.

I like cooking beans. I like what they represent: they are cheap, durable, hearty and nutritious. They are not fancy. They are antithetical to the various strains of food fashion industrial media bullshit complex. Beans are not sexy.

However, if cooked properly, with care and love, a regular old $1.89 bag of grocery store dry beans can be transmuted into a sublime substance that feeds both the body and soul.

First off, this is not one recipe, it is many. There are a number of preparations of beans that are all worthy of praise and explanation and I will try to explore as many as are practical. Second off, I have a lot of food biases, as you will see. If you do not share them please see your way to applying the techniques provided to your palate. I am not claiming to be an expert, merely a man with experience and opinions.

Let's get started.

Or, rather, let's take on a tangent topic immediately: pressure cookers.

I like pressure cookers for the same reason that I like beans: they are not flashy, cool, sexy, popular or written about at all in turd soup of corporate food media. They are too grandma-delic and bereft of the strong smell of scienceness that things like sous vide, emulsifiers, culinary foams and liquid nitrogen have. In other words, they are the two door hatchback of culinary science.

What does this have to do with beans?

A lot. In my extremely biased but knowledgeable opinion, the second generation pressure cooker (these develop pressure using spring valves, rather than the 1st Generation weighted valve set-up) makes the best beans.

Why this is is very simple: the spring valve does not allow the flavorful "bean essence" to escape into the the air while it cooks. Does this sound like I will next try to interest you in a palm reading or sell you an Astrology chart? I know it sounds flaky, but I'm not sure how else to describe what's going on.

Attempt number two: When used properly (turn down the heat after the pressure button pops up so as not to vent precious bean essence) a gen 2 pressure cooker does not eject any of the cooking liquid as steam into the outside world. Instead it keeps the steam and all of the volatile chemical flavor and aroma compounds IN the pot, yielding beans with much improved flavor from the normal simmering pot method of bean cookery.

In addition to better flavor, the pressure cooker allows you to cook the beans to soft and silky in 25 minutes or less. Did you hear that? 25 fucking minutes!!! You know, like 3 hours and 45 minutes less than a proper stove top pot of beans. And they taste better. And you can make proper, thick beef stock in 1 1/2 hours or braise short ribs in 45 minutes or cook Carnitas in 35 minutes or steam tamales in 15 minutes... This is why I brought up the pressure cooker, because it not only will make the best pot of beans of your life in less time than most people spend in the shower, it will also change you goddamned life (a slight exaggeration).

Onward. 

Let's talk beans. I like plain old dry Pinto Beans. Yes, you can get fancy and use Ojo de Cabra or Rattlesnake beans for the following recipe. And, yes, they will taste better but they will also cost double or triple or more. Organic dry Pinto Beans from the bulk section of the closest yuppie grocer are plenty good for me and they're so cheap as to be almost free. As the posts here develop you'll begin to notice a theme of thrift and common sense. It starts here and it starts with bulk organic beans. If you have the unending need to spend more than you have to because it fills the hole in your heart read someone else's recipes.

A Basic Pot of Beans

1 lb. Pinto Beans
1 small or medium sized yellow onion
1 Anaheim Chile or other mild green chile, roasted, peeled and diced
2 tablespoons lard or cheap olive oil
1 tablespoon cumin
salt
hot sauce
1/2 tsp Baking Soda (regular pot cooking only)

First thing in the morning dump your beans in a bowl and cover with 2-3 inches of cold water. When you get home that night toss the lard or olive oil in a pot over medium heat and add the onions and chiles. Fry until the onions start to get a little soft and then add the cumin and cook until you smell cumin. This is called "blooming" the spices. Do not burn or scorch the cumin or it will be bitter and you will have to start over.

Once the cumin blooms, drain the bean water, rinse the beans quickly and then add the beans to the pot and cover by an inch with cold water. If you are using a pressure cooker lock on the lid, set the pressure knob to "2" and crank the heat to high until the pressure indicator pops up and then reduce the heat to low and start your 20 minute timer. After the timer goes off remove the pot from the heat and allow it to cool until the pressure button drops down. About 10-15 minutes. Then add salt and hot sauce until the beans taste right. Maybe mash the beans up and simmer a little longer to thicken the texture. You are DONE.

If you aren't using a magic wizard pot but rather a mortal, regular style pot, you should do all the same onion and friends stuff listed above and then simmer the beans for about an hour, watching carefully and adding water if they start to run dry. After an hour the stripes of the pintos should be gone and they should all be a nice even tan color. Get your stirring stick out and at the ready then add the baking soda. Now stir those beans like crazy until the foaming and bubbling subsides, about 1-2 minutes. Listen UP: if you do not stir frantically and long enough after the baking soda is added some of your beans will be hard while others will be soft. No bueno.

What's the deal with the baking soda anyhow? PH dude. PH.

By making the PH of the beans more Basic (alkaline) you greatly speed the cooking process and soften the beans to where you want them in 45 minutes more simmering rather than having to wait the 3-4 hours it would take for them to get there naturally. As a brief aside, if you'd like to fuck with someone cooking beans, or any other legume, simply add a few tablespoons of vinegar to their pot and walk away. Those beans will NEVER get soft unless YOU add baking soda and save the day. Do with this knowledge what you will.

After the beans get soft (about 2 hours in) you'll want to build flavor by mashing the beans somewhat and then waiting for a crust to form on the bottom of the pot and then scrape it up with your stirring stick. Repeat this 3-4 times (another 30-40 minutes of your life you will never get back) then add salt and hot sauce and/or vinegar until the bean flavor pops. Remember that you made the beans basic so you will need much more acid (vinegar or vinegar based hot sauce) to get back to the acidic and thus flavorful side of the PH spectrum.

End of line.

Variations on the above theme:

Chuckwagon Beans

Substitute bacon for lard or olive oil by roughly chopping 3-4 slices of bacon and rending the fat in the pot over low heat until the bacon is crisp but not burnt. Proceed with the above recipe as normal or omit the onions and chiles and add 1 tablespoon or so of GOOD chili powder such as Bolner's or Gebharts (which I hear you can get from WalsMart) for a true austere bean eating experience.

Black Beans... if you must

Use olive oil, not lard. Omit the green chile and sub in a smallish green pepper. Add a couple minced cloves of garlic and a diced rib of celery.

Refried Beans

Take any of the versions above and mash the shit out of them with a spoon, fork, potato masher or (ideally) bean masher. Next heat 2-3 tablespoons of lard or olive oil in a large skillet and then add 3-4 cups of mashed beans to the hot fat. Fry the beans like a potato pancake till it forms a crust then flip them over and fry the other side (2-3 minutes a side) and serve.

Quesero Beans

Take your beans and add way too much cheese (Monterey Jack, Mild Cheddar, whatever). When it melts, stir it in and serve, covering it with more grated cheese.